I was never "the skinny girl". I came from an Italian family and always had a little extra meat on my bones. From a young age, around fifth grade, that's when I became very aware of my body. I noticed that my thighs were bigger than other girls and my belly was much softer. I didn't do anything about it yet- I still ate the lunches my mom packed and the dinners she cooked and played out in the yard like a normal kid.
**Disclaimer: My mom is an amazing mom! She always did her best to be sure she was keeping us healthy and feeding us well. Veggies were an important part of meals and daily movement was always something she had us do (go for walks, rid your bikes, play tag, swim etc). She was always active with us! My parents were both me and my brother's biggest supporters.**
I was always active BUT I also enjoyed food lol...who doesn't amiright?? I enjoyed my treats and had no idea what portion control was. I'd eat until I was satisfied but I guess that was more than should have been eating. Reece's Puffs was my jam and I could remember having a big bowl of them as a snack when I got home. Bagels and muffins were a few other things I ate probably too frequently.
The first time I felt food guilt was in middle school. Me and my friends would be sitting in the cafeteria and on the days when a fresh batch of gooey gooey chocolate chip cookies would come out, we'd go and get one for 50 cents! I can remember eating (defiantly wanting more) but then feeling guilty afterwards because already had the sense of discomfort with my body and being surrounded by my "beautiful" friends. There would be days that I'd buy my mom one of the cookies and struggle soooo hard not to eat it on the bus ride home.
I'm not sure how or when I developed this bad relationship with food but this was the start of when food began to run my life. I knew I wanted to fix how I felt and my weight but I just didn't know how...yet.