So here it begins. My downward spiral with my health and my relationship with food. Fasten your seatbelts because the next few blogs will be bumpy.
It was the end of my junior year of high school. Ever since I discovered my passion for nutrition I read, studied and watched anything nutrition I could! I even picked out the school I would eventually go to to become a certified health coach. I was determined to become the "pretty skinny girl" for my senior year.
I did it. I became that girl but it came with a cost.
To achieve this goal I went APES%*&. I eliminated whole food groups from my diet--> fats and carbs...because if you eat fat you get fat... *face palm*, I worked out every day multiple times a day and I steered clear of treats- if I had one, I'd force myself to go workout. It got to the point where even if I had a single spoonful...not a scoop a table spoon of ice cream, I'd force myself to go on a run all the way down my road and back.
My life and my thoughts revolved around food. I couldn't think about anything else.
On my first day of senior year I was so excited to show off my new body that I literally killed myself for. The one comment I'll never forget was when the hall monitor asked if I was okay/sick...I never thought I looked sick. My friends didn't either. I brushed it off- "what does she know?" I guess when you go from being the chubby 156lb girl to the skinny 113lb girl over the course of a summer, people may have some assumptions about you.
I wasn't worried about how I got here. I was ecstatic. For once in my life I felt confident, pretty and worthy. Public speaking was no longer scary. I could get right up there and know that people went staring at my body....at least not in a bad way. I felt confident to sit with the popular girls and talk to any boy I had a crush on. I loved my new smaller clothes. I couldn't see past the vein reasons I loved this new body and it took a very long time to heal both my body and my mind from the years of damage I did to it.
